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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Parents Assure Scared Child There’s No Such Thing As Skip Bayless

EVERETT, WA—In an effort to comfort the weeping, hysterical child, local parents Rick and Bridget Sears assured their scared 5-year-old son Caleb that there was no such thing as Skip Bayless, sources confirmed Wednesday. “Honey, relax—I know he’s scary, but Skip Bayless is just something on TV and isn’t real,” said mother Bridget Sears while the boy’s father admonished their older son for leaving the television on FS1’s Undisputed when he knew how terrifying Bayless could seem to young children. “I’m sure your friends all told you he exists, but Skip Bayless is just a fake character created to frighten people. He’s not hiding anywhere waiting to yell at you. I promise.” At press time, Caleb’s older brother was reportedly telling the 5-year-old that if he said the TV commentator’s name three times out loud, Skip Bayless would appear and take him.

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