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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.
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Parents Don't Remember Enough Colors To Help With Kindergartner's Homework

BEDFORD, NY—Parents of 5-year-old Haylee Risser reportedly sat around their dinner table stumped Monday night, unable to recall enough colors to help their daughter with a homework assignment from her first day of kindergarten. "I definitely remember red and yellow, but when she started getting into that brown and green stuff, that's where I'm lost," said Deborah Risser, 36, who admitted that shoelaces and days of the week were always more her forte. "It's one of those things they drill into you in kindergarten, and then you never use it again. When the hell am I going to need to know purple, anyway?" At the suggestion of her increasingly frustrated husband, Risser picked up the phone to call her older brother, who sources confirmed is "great at colors."

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