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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Parents Into New Snack Now

BALLSTON, NY—Noticing they had both a Lightly Salted and a Tomato Basil version of the previously unknown product in their cupboard upon arriving for a visit home this past weekend, Jared Randall, 26, confirmed Wednesday that his parents are into a new snack now. “As soon as I got there, they said I must be hungry after my trip, and they brought out a bowl of these puffed-up things that look like pea pods—I had no idea what they were,” said Randall, who noted that after he questioned what the snack was, his mother eagerly explained how the couple recently discovered it while shopping at Aldi and then offered extended praise of the snack’s healthiness as well as its “really nice flavor.” “They both seem to love the things. Dad had a bag of them sitting on his work desk next to his computer, and Mom apparently takes a Ziploc baggie with her in her purse when she has to run errands. And when I was leaving, they insisted I take a bag back with me, so I’ve got some now. They’re okay.” Randall added that his parents explained they had entirely stopped eating the naan chips they were into last year because they were “too oily.”

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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