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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.
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Black Man Does 8 Years

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Parents Of Obama Volunteer Couldn't Be More Proud, Sick Of Son

OAK PARK, IL—Parents of Obama '08 campaign volunteer Mark Lowe said their son's selfless work for the Illinois senator has shown the 22-year-old to be mature, civic-minded, and absolutely unbearable to talk to. "I remember when I was going to vote for Hillary Clinton in the primary, and [Mark] spoke for 30 minutes about how Obama is the next Kennedy, the only candidate capable of bringing real change, and how Hillary embodies everything that's wrong with Washington," David Lowe, 58, said. "It's incredible that he's so passionate about our nation's future, and now he really needs to shut the hell up." Lowe, who spends up to 40 hours a week sending e-mails, making phone calls, and engaging complete strangers in drawn-out discussions about Obama's message of hope as he canvasses door-to-door, is expected to cost the Democratic nominee some 15,000 votes.

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