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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Parents Really Enjoying Cruise

HAMTRAMCK, MI—According to a phone call made to their daughter Monday afternoon, Glen and Margery Bennings, 62, are really enjoying their Carnival Cruise thus far. "We've pretty much just stayed on the boat the whole time because there's lots to do and plenty to eat," said Bennings, adding that while she and her husband were playing the slot machines in the casino the previous night, they met a couple of nice Yemeni tourists who seemed "dumbfounded" by everything the ship had to offer. "Gotta go! They're getting us all up to dance the Macarena!" At press time, the Bennings had not been heard from but were assumed to be enjoying themselves immensely.

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