After Birth

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

Report: Mom Sending You Something

PORTLAND, ME—Stating that she had put it in the mail this morning and that you should keep an eye out for it, your mother notified you Saturday that she was sending you something, reports confirmed.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run
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Parents Sit Down With Child For ‘Sex, Lies, And Videotape’ Talk

ALLENTOWN, PA—Recognizing that their child is old enough now to have such an important conversation, local parents Nick and Karen Yates reportedly sat down with their 10-year-old son Nathaniel on Monday to have the Sex, Lies, and Videotape talk. “Seeing Sex, Lies, and Videotape is perfectly natural, but we wanted to make sure you heard the facts from us and not from some random place on the Internet,” said mother Karen Yates, adding that Steven Soderbergh’s 1989 film starring James Spader and Andie MacDowell may initially seem confusing and even uncomfortable, but that was to be expected at first. “You shouldn’t rush into it by any means. You want your first time to be with someone special. In fact, your father and I didn’t watch Sex, Lies, and Videotape until after we were married, and, honestly, we were better off for having waited that long.” Yates went on to say, however, that there was no shame in practicing watching the movie with someone else by first watching clips of it by himself in the privacy of his room.

After Birth

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