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Teacher Who Learns More From Her Students Than She Teaches Them Fired

Explaining that her statements indicated a failure to understand and implement the district’s goal of providing a comprehensive education to all children, Southwest High School officials reportedly fired ninth-grade history teacher Jennifer Steenman today after she was heard saying she learns more from her students than they do from her. Full article.

Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Parking Lot Attendant Seemingly Unaware New Day A Gift From God

BOSTON—Apparently blind to the beautiful and sacred gift of life that is handed to him every morning, 58-year-old parking lot attendant Donald Wright is reportedly unaware that each new day is a precious miracle delivered to him by the Lord above, sources confirmed Wednesday. “Does this man not know that to wake up each morning on God’s green earth and go to work is nothing short of a glorious blessing?” local Kim Claremont said of the man who spends eight hours a day in a toll booth waiting for customers to hand over their parking fee. “Why, he’s healthy, he’s got a job, he’s just about the luckiest fella on earth and he can’t even see it! He must not realize that this day is a wondrous joy that should be embraced with a full and happy heart. Why wouldn’t he realize that?” Sources further confirmed the minimum-wage employee should smile more; that might do the trick.

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