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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Parody Movie Script One Crotch-Hitting Joke Short Of Being Greenlit

LOS ANGELES—The script for Epic Movie 2: Epicer Movie is, according to writer-directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, only one crotch-hitting joke short of going into production. "Twenty-three times throughout the film, a crotch is kicked, punched, raked, shoveled, bitten, or hit with either a baseball bat, tennis racket, or nunchucks, but 20th Century Fox keeps invoking Hollywood's 'rule of 24,'" said Friedberg. "In their opinion, the film could use a second crotch-hitting joke right at the beginning to really set the tone. Aaron and I feel strongly that 23 crotch jokes is enough, and 24 would be overdoing it. But that's not to say we wouldn't be willing to compromise with the studio if necessary to bring our creative vision to the screen." A studio source confirmed that the "near-perfect" script already has the correct number of bodily fluids being consumed by an unsuspecting character (seven), allusions to black culture (168), and potential laugh-out-loud moments (one).

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