WASHINGTON—Calling the program “the most crucial in the agency’s history,” researchers at NASA announced Wednesday they have successfully deployed a Special Exploratory Rover to Congress as part of an open-ended mission to seek out any possible trace of funding on Capitol Hill.
POPLAR BLUFF, MO— According to Kenneth Childs, the new owner of Crackers, an African gray parrot, the previous owner must have watched a tremendous amount of The Price Is Right. "All day long, Crackers keeps squawking shit like, 'Come on down!' and 'Plinko!'" Childs said. "That poor bird must have been subjected to the Game Show Network 24 hours a day." Childs also swore that he once heard Crackers sing the yodeling music from the mountain-climber game.