CLEVELAND—Explaining that they simply didn’t want to have to deal with the immense time commitment and emotional exhaustion, sisters Katie and Ellen Cattell each privately admitted to reporters this week that they were hoping the other sibling would someday be the one to take care of their aging parents.
POPLAR BLUFF, MO— According to Kenneth Childs, the new owner of Crackers, an African gray parrot, the previous owner must have watched a tremendous amount of The Price Is Right. "All day long, Crackers keeps squawking shit like, 'Come on down!' and 'Plinko!'" Childs said. "That poor bird must have been subjected to the Game Show Network 24 hours a day." Childs also swore that he once heard Crackers sing the yodeling music from the mountain-climber game.