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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Partygoer Gets Thoughtful

LAFAYETTE, LA—At approximately 11:20 P.M. Friday night, the festive attitude of local partygoer Nathan Daniels, 34, suddenly gave way to a more thoughtful and introspective mood, witnesses reported. "One moment Nate was pouring everyone shots of Wild Turkey, and the next he got real serious and started talking about Shannon," said longtime friend Michael Driscol, who also listened as Daniels discussed his "shitty-ass job," the fact that it was 2011 already, and how one day he thinks he'll be a good father. "I guess he had a lot on his mind, because he was having these really reflective conversations with different people for like an hour." At press time, Daniels insiders confirmed the cheerful-turned-sentimental man had once again shifted moods and begun smashing beer bottles with a two-by-four.

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