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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Passage Of Health Care Reform Brings Democrat-Republican Score To 317,622-318,047

WASHINGTON—With their legislative victory on health care last month, Democrats narrowed by one point the gap in their 150-year-long competition with Republicans, bringing the current score between the rival political parties to 317,622-318,047. "The Republicans had a really strong first half, racking up points with their opposition to slavery and extension of citizenship to Native Americans," Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) said at a press conference Monday. "We caught up in the '30s and '60s with the New Deal and civil rights, then they blew it wide open from 1980 on. But now we're back in striking distance. Just 400 more political points to go." Anonymous Republican sources told reporters they were planning to bounce back next week by naming another building after Ronald Reagan.

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