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Politics

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

James Comey Quickly Reopens Clinton Email Investigation For Few More Minutes

‘Nope, Looks Like It’s All Good Here,’ Says FBI Director

WASHINGTON—In a letter addressed to Congress that was quickly followed by a second message retracting the first, FBI director James Comey is said to have briefly reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails for several more minutes Friday.

Pollsters Admit They Underestimated Voters’ Adrenal Glands

WASHINGTON—In response to widespread criticism that they had failed to predict Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 election, analysts from polling organizations around the nation admitted Thursday they had underestimated the influence of voters’ adrenal glands on the presidential race.
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Passage Of Health Care Reform Brings Democrat-Republican Score To 317,622-318,047

WASHINGTON—With their legislative victory on health care last month, Democrats narrowed by one point the gap in their 150-year-long competition with Republicans, bringing the current score between the rival political parties to 317,622-318,047. "The Republicans had a really strong first half, racking up points with their opposition to slavery and extension of citizenship to Native Americans," Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) said at a press conference Monday. "We caught up in the '30s and '60s with the New Deal and civil rights, then they blew it wide open from 1980 on. But now we're back in striking distance. Just 400 more political points to go." Anonymous Republican sources told reporters they were planning to bounce back next week by naming another building after Ronald Reagan.

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