CORPUS CHRISTI, TX—With her initially stated desire for restored wide-plank floors and a walk-in pantry having already been broadened to any hardwood or laminate flooring and decent kitchen storage space, sources confirmed Friday that aspiring homeowner Chelsea Lange has supplied a progressively vaguer description of her dream home with each new place she reviews in her price range.
VIRGINIA BEACH, VATelevangelist Pat Robertson, who recently condemned the town of Dover, PA for accepting evolution and called for the assassination of leftist Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, said during a Sunday broadcast of The 700 Club that pie is not delicious. "Pie is a corrupt and foul-tasting pastry-covered baked-fruit abomination that shall turn to ashes in the mouth of the misled eater," Robertson said during his 11-minute anti-pie tirade. "The pious eat not the pie, knowing it an unclean thing, nor the crust, nor the filling. Get thee behind me, pie!" Stunned 700 Club viewer Melody Blaker of Houston told reporters that that the evangelist had "abandoned common sense."