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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Pathetic Bobcats Owner Again Regaling Players With Tales of His NBA Glory Days

CHARLOTTE, NC—To the exasperation of his struggling team, the owner of the Charlotte Bobcats has been hanging around the locker room once again this week, telling any and all who will listen about his glory days in the league. "Can't he let it go? Just go play golf and ride your motorcycles or whatever," said Bobcats guard Kemba Walker, leaving hastily upon seeing the smiling owner enter the room wearing an outdated, closely cropped mustache. "What am I supposed to do with all these stories? One time he said he made a shot in the playoffs that was so good, they just called it 'the Shot.' That doesn't even make sense." Walker added that the owner seems to see his time in the league as "some kind of golden era of the NBA" and that "to hear him tell it, he's like the greatest player of all time."

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