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Entertainment

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Pathetic, Washed-Up Rock Star On Fifth Decade Of Doing Exactly What He Always Wanted

DETROIT—Peter Wolf, a pitiful, has-been rock musician who hasn’t had a platinum record since 1981, has now spent more than 40 happy years doing exactly what he always wanted, reports confirmed this week. “It’s so sad to see that guy still out on tour after all this time,” a source said of the washed-up loser who has been able to walk out on a stage multiple nights a week for more than four decades and play music of his own creation while being cheered on enthusiastically by a paying audience. “When was that guy’s last hit anyway? Thirty years ago? God, it’s embarrassing.” At press time, the fans in attendance at the pathetic old artist’s latest show were reportedly singing along, word for word, with a song millions of people know by heart.

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