adBlockCheck

Entertainment

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
End Of Section
  • More News

Pathetic, Washed-Up Rock Star On Fifth Decade Of Doing Exactly What He Always Wanted

DETROIT—Peter Wolf, a pitiful, has-been rock musician who hasn’t had a platinum record since 1981, has now spent more than 40 happy years doing exactly what he always wanted, reports confirmed this week. “It’s so sad to see that guy still out on tour after all this time,” a source said of the washed-up loser who has been able to walk out on a stage multiple nights a week for more than four decades and play music of his own creation while being cheered on enthusiastically by a paying audience. “When was that guy’s last hit anyway? Thirty years ago? God, it’s embarrassing.” At press time, the fans in attendance at the pathetic old artist’s latest show were reportedly singing along, word for word, with a song millions of people know by heart.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close