Patrick Willis

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Vol 49 Issue 05

Onion Sports' Live Coverage Of Super Bowl XLVII

Highlights Pregame Nation Excited For Opportunity To Watch Harbaugh Lose Super Bowl Pregame Onion Sports' Guide To Super Bowl XLVII Pregame Coverage Nation Excited For Opportunity To Watch Harbaugh Lose Super Bowl “I’m so pumped up! I can...

Hometown Wistfully Toured Via Google Street View

COLUMBUS, OH—Eleven years after last walking through his hometown, 29-year-old local man Paul Brundage reportedly spent the entire evening Friday revisiting his childhood neighborhood in Decatur, IL using the Google Maps Street View feature.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Partying

Patrick Willis

49ers Inside Linebacker

Strength: Considered a very good football player, which is expected to help at the Super Bowl; Inside linebacker position makes him privy to all the latest linebacking information before anyone else

Weakness: Always lets out a long sigh before going into pass coverage; Terrifies normally dauntless sports journalists

Training Regimen: Practices sacking Alex Smith every day during practice

Versatility: Able to cover running backs, tight ends, or wide receivers who are paralyzed with fear

Motivation: Getting the last laugh on everyone in high school he used to beat up

Typical Breakfast: Ten eggs, five pancakes, five gloves, poached half-helmet

Names He’ll Respond To: Patrick, Pat

Pet Peeve: Having to remove clumps of opponents from face mask

Eyes: Dead

NEXT: Aldon Smith

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