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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Patriots Proud Of Defeating Whoever That Last Team Was

FOXBOROUGH, MA—Patriots quarterback Tom Brady diplomatically emphasized that defeating whoever it was they had just played gave him and his teammates a great sense of accomplishment during his post-game press conference Sunday. "It's always very satisfying to get out there and get a win against…against those guys," Brady said, adding that it was a mistake to take those other guys for granted as they were capable of making a few plays. "They definitely had some sort of game plan, and they were running around fairly fast out there. We overcame a lot to triumph over, uh, you know, them." According to Brady, the Patriots still need to correct a number of mistakes during the week's practices, execute better, and prepare for that one team they have to defeat next.

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