adBlockCheck

Patriots Super Bowl Win Provides Storybook Ending To NFL Credibility

Top Headlines

Sports

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Patriots Super Bowl Win Provides Storybook Ending To NFL Credibility

GLENDALE, AZ—Having defeated the Seattle Seahawks 28-24 Sunday night to win Super Bowl XLIX, the New England Patriots reportedly provided an incredible storybook ending to the NFL’s credibility. “Honestly, you couldn’t have scripted it any better in a movie,” said ESPN analyst Adam Schefter, adding that after a year rife with scandal—including high-profile domestic violence cases involving Ray Rice and Adrian Peterson, the league’s ongoing concussion epidemic, and fresh allegations of cheating against New England—seeing the Patriots celebrate a fourth Super Bowl title was a fitting end to the NFL’s integrity. “Given what we’ve seen over the past six months, this is the perfect way—really the only way—for it to finish. Unbelievable.” Sources also confirmed that witnessing a smiling Roger Goodell hand the Lombardi Trophy to Patriots owner Robert Kraft was just the cherry on top after watching the final few seconds of the NFL’s dignity and self-respect tick away.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close