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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Paul Giamatti Lauded For Supporting Role In Area Murder

ENCINO, CA—Actor Paul Giamatti, known for choosing risky and offbeat projects, has been generating buzz among law enforcers for his small but vital part in the murder of area convenience-store clerk Malcolm Mikita. "Even though it was another low-profile job and the big-names are getting more attention, Giamatti almost stole this robbery-homicide," film critic Joel Siegel said after watching surveillance footage of the crime. "He literally had his audience on the ground in tears." Siegel predicted that even Giamatti's harshest critics, including the LAPD and members of the victim's family, would be talking about the performance for years.

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