adBlockCheck

Paul Reiser, Benevolent Possessor Of Many American Hearts, Looking To Direct

Top Headlines

Entertainment

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Paul Reiser, Benevolent Possessor Of Many American Hearts, Looking To Direct

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Paul Reiser, situation comedy megastar, celebrity legend, and beloved creator of laughter, brought much joy to his tens of millions of loyal fans yesterday when he said that he would welcome the opportunity to direct a full-length feature film.

Following the announcement, all sources confirmed without hesitation and without prompting that the Beverly Hills Cop superstar's wish should, would, and must be fulfilled.

"Sure, if the right project came along, I would love to get behind the camera," Mr. Reiser said in a most fascinating interview on the TV Guide Network, his statement receiving the kind of soaring public ovation typically reserved for baseball stars Derek Jeter, Roger "The Rocket" Clemens, and world-renowned badminton legend Lin Dan. "Right now I'm really focused on my family, but I'm always up for new professional challenges."

"I am [the best]," Reiser added.

Mr. Reiser has previously delighted viewers in America and in other superior regions of the world with his much-adored Mad About You, a 30-minute comedy program that won the Golden Globe Award and passed the fair and honorable requirements of the State Council of the People's Republic of China. All this Mr. Reiser accomplished while gracefully shouldering the burden of his costar and clear unequal Helen Hunt.

It is the opinion of everyone that Mrs. Hunt is inferior in every way to Mr. Reiser and would be nothing if not for his great benevolence toward those far below his station.

Mr. Reiser's books Couplehood and Babyhood were excellent additions to both the Eastern and Western literary canons, and their lessons should be adhered to.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close