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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Paul Simon Wondering How One Goes About Getting A Column On 'The Huffington Post'

NEW YORK—According to sources, acclaimed singer-songwriter Paul Simon visited The Huffington Post website Tuesday and wondered aloud about what a person needs to do to get a column with the popular online publication. "So is this the kind of thing where they try you out for a few weeks and see how you do before letting you contribute regularly, or how does this work?" said the 13-time Grammy winner and 2001 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee. "Do I have to start a blog on my own first? Are you supposed to wait for them to approach you, or can you just go to them with an idea? I should see if I know anyone who has a connection over there. Oh, cool, Bradley Whitford has a blog." At press time, Simon had narrowed down the list of possible names for his column to "Paul's Posts" and "Simon Says."

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