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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Paula Broadwell Crashing On Petraeus Family’s Couch Until Sex Scandal Blows Over

SPRINGFIELD, NH—In an effort to escape the intense media scrutiny surrounding her recently exposed liaison with former CIA director David Petraeus, Paula Broadwell is reportedly crashing on the Petraeus family’s couch until the uproar blows over. “Holly [Petraeus] has been the most gracious hostess throughout this whole ordeal,” Broadwell said of the woman whom she once spent hours interviewing while having an affair with her husband and writing his biography. “I wouldn’t blame her if the arrangement has left her feeling a little put out—houseguests can be a pretty big inconvenience—but she’s been really sweet about it. She gave me a couple of David’s old Army uniforms to sleep in and some fleece blankets from the closet.” At press time, sources confirmed Broadwell’s offer to help Holly Petraeus do the dishes had been politely rebuffed.

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