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Politics

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

James Comey Quickly Reopens Clinton Email Investigation For Few More Minutes

‘Nope, Looks Like It’s All Good Here,’ Says FBI Director

WASHINGTON—In a letter addressed to Congress that was quickly followed by a second message retracting the first, FBI director James Comey is said to have briefly reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails for several more minutes Friday.

Pollsters Admit They Underestimated Voters’ Adrenal Glands

WASHINGTON—In response to widespread criticism that they had failed to predict Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 election, analysts from polling organizations around the nation admitted Thursday they had underestimated the influence of voters’ adrenal glands on the presidential race.
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Pawlenty Supporters Can Only Dream What It Would Have Been Like If Candidate Dropped Out 2 Months Later

MINNEAPOLIS—Days after their candidate’s sudden withdrawal from the presidential race, dejected supporters of Republican Tim Pawlenty said Wednesday they could now only dream of what things might have been like if the former Minnesota governor had been able to drop out a couple months later. “Just imagine if he’d actually gotten the chance to be kicked around by pundits until October before collapsing under the weight of continually falling poll numbers and all but nonexistent support from donors,” said Natalie Van Druff, a volunteer who told reporters she was struggling to accept the fact that she wouldn’t be seeing Pawlenty end his campaign after a distant fourth-place finish in New Hampshire. “We put in so much work, and now we’ll never get to watch him limp along for another few months as a total also-ran. It’s just not fair.” Van Druff added that with Pawlenty out of the race, she would reluctantly support former Utah governor Jon Huntsman, who she said had the best chance of meekly bowing out by Thanksgiving.

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