adBlockCheck

International

The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
End Of Section
  • More News

Pectoral Muscles Targeted By Fitness Fundamentalists

SANA'A, YEMEN—A videotaped statement shown Monday on Yemeni television provides the most conclusive evidence yet that the Muslim bodybuilding extremist group al-Huuruugh has acquired dumbbells from an unknown source and could use them to target vulnerable, undeveloped muscle groups in their pectoral region. "I call upon the world to stand witness as I violently and repeatedly blast these pecs, purifying and rebuilding them into a shape pleasing to Allah!" a masked, shirtless weightlifter said in the tape, over the strains of Journey's "Don't Stop Believing." "Seven! Eight! Nine! God is great, and so are my pecs, trapezius muscles, lower back, and abs! Thirteen! Fourteen! The great Satan Of Flab will soon feel the burn!" State Department officials said the group is almost certainly a danger to themselves if they do not use better form and stretch thoroughly afterward.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close