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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Peer Group Forces Man To Have Opinion On 'Weird Al'

SANTA FE, NM—After 17 years of not thinking about "Weird Al" Yankovic, 31-year-old Tony Gilman was pressured into having and expressing a definite opinion on the popular novelty singer by members of his peer group Friday. "Sure, I listened to 'Fat' when I was a kid, but I wouldn't call myself a fan or anything," Gilman told reporters while socializing with friends at a bar. "And since I never thought of him as being highly regarded, I don't fall into the 'overrated' camp. That said, it's a bit of a stretch to call 'Weird Al' an 'underappreciated genius.' I mean, the guy is a parodist, for one, which in my view automatically makes him… Wait. I'm doing it. God fucking damn it." When the conversation turned to the Showtime program Dexter, Gilman left the table to go play darts.

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