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Politics

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Trump’s Budget Proposal: What You Need To Know

President Trump has revealed his first budget blueprint, which contains $54 billion in cuts while accommodating increased spending on defense and security. The Onion details the major elements of Trump’s proposed budget:
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Pence Passing Time During Trump’s Speech By Mentally Baptizing Senators

WASHINGTON—In an effort to keep himself virtuously occupied during President Donald Trump’s speech to a joint session of Congress Tuesday night, Vice President Mike Pence was reportedly passing time by mentally baptizing all of the senators in attendance. “Do you desire to obtain eternal life in the church of God through your faith in Jesus Christ?” Pence imagined himself asking every senator in the chamber, contentedly working his way down the aisles to welcome each of the legislators into the fold by tipping their head into the cleansing waters of the Lord. “Upon your profession of faith and accordance with the Lord’s command, I baptize you, Senator Feinstein of California, in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. May His everlasting light be with you always. Let us pray.” At press time, Pence had reportedly begun mentally stoning all 435 fornicators in the House of Representatives as the president’s speech entered its second hour.

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