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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Penn State Honors Legendary 2012 Legal Team During Halftime

STATE COLLEGE, PA—Recognizing their incredible contributions to both the athletic program and the school as a whole, Penn State University reportedly honored the legendary members of its 2012 legal team during halftime of Saturday’s football game against Ohio State. “Today, we are proud to celebrate those who delivered one of the greatest and most memorable legal performances in school history,” Beaver Stadium PA announcer Dean DeVore said as the group of waving middle-aged attorneys marched out to the 50-yard line to a resounding standing ovation from over 100,000 cheering fans. “These dedicated men and women worked tirelessly in the courtroom and together formed an ironclad defense that will be remembered for generations to come. Just as importantly, throughout their time here, they remained equally committed to the ideals and core values of Penn State. They truly represent all that it means to be a Nittany Lion.” Following the halftime ceremony, Penn State officials unveiled a 15-foot bronze statue of the illustrious litigators outside of the stadium’s Gate C entrance.

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