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Penny-Pinching Shopping Tips For Seniors

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Finance

What’s Inside Trump’s Tax Returns

Donald Trump’s aides have confirmed that the Republican presidential nominee will not release his tax returns despite numerous public calls for him to honor the expectation of transparency for presidential hopefuls. Here are some of the potentially damning contents that Trump prefers not to release to the public

Financially Struggling Trump Campaign Holds Fundraising Riot

NEWARK, NJ—Having raised only $3.1 million last month despite clinching the Republican nomination and with just $1.3 million on hand, Donald Trump’s presidential campaign sought a much-needed injection of cash Wednesday by holding a fundraising riot in Newark, sources confirmed.

The Pros And Cons Of For-Profit Colleges

With studies showing that for-profit college degrees create more debt and no more added value for students, many are questioning the merits of these institutions. Here are the pros and cons of for-profit colleges

Budget Travel Tips

With the bloated cost of airfare and hotels, many people are looking to save on travel however they can. Here are The Onion’s tips for planning a memorable vacation without overspending.

Upcoming Changes To U.S. Currency

Secretary of the Treasury Jack Lew recently announced a series of significant changes to U.S. currency. Here are some of the more notable alterations on the horizon

Head Of IRS Has Personal Filing System To Keep Track Of Nation’s Tax Returns

Commissioner’s Office Cluttered With 100 Million Folders

WASHINGTON—Pointing out the towering stacks of manila folders cluttering his desk and stepping carefully around the millions of forms laid out on his office floor, Commissioner of the Internal Revenue Service John Koskinen showed reporters Thursday his own personal filing system for keeping track of everyone in the nation’s tax returns.

Grandmother Palms Grandson $10 Like She Fixing Boxing Match

NEW BEDFORD, MA—Waiting until her daughter and son-in-law were occupied getting drinks in the kitchen following a family dinner at her home Sunday, local grandmother Ellen Sullivan, 72, is said to have palmed her 11-year-old grandson Jason Tucci $10 like she was fixing a heavyweight boxing match.
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Penny-Pinching Shopping Tips For Seniors

Shopping on the fixed budget of a retiree can be tough. Here are a few tips to help seniors stretch those retirement dollars.

  • Seniors aren't perceived as a shoplifting risk--steal wantonly
  • Coupons from the newspaper are a great way to bulk up that sandwich
  • Your decaying mind will grow ever more susceptible to infomercial scams as you grow older; smash your TV now for big savings later on
  • When buying a gift for an ailing spouse, be sure to save the receipt in case he or she dies
  • High-tech store security systems can stop your pacemaker, so be sure to wear a lead vest while shopping
  • Save big money on cancer treatment by clipping chemotherapy coupons from your Sunday newspaper insert
  • Debate receipt total with grocery-store cashier even if it's correct; arguing with old people is extremely unpleasant, and the cashier will give in just to make you go away
  • Don't speak too much to save on oxygen-tank refills
  • Write angry, rambling letters to elected officials

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