adBlockCheck

Business

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Helpful Man Saves Woman Effort Of Telling Idea To Boss Herself

ATLANTA—In an unprompted act of generosity from one coworker to another, Spryte Logistics employee Ben Graham reportedly took the initiative to share one of Emily Fehrman’s ideas with their boss on Friday, saving her the time and effort of doing it herself.

Fisher-Price Releases New In Utero Fetal Activity Gym

EAST AURORA, NY—Touting it as the perfect tool for entertaining and stimulating the fetus during gestation, Fisher-Price announced the release Wednesday of a new in utero activity gym. “Whether they’re batting at the friendly toucans in order to harden their cartilage into bone or tapping the multicolored light-up palm tree to test out their sense of vision once their eyes open at 28 weeks, the Fisher-Price Rainforest Friends Prenatal Activity Gym is guaranteed to give your fetus a head start and keep it happy and occupied,” said director of marketing Kevin Goldbaum.

It Kind Of Sweet CEO Thinks He Doing Good Job

SEATTLE—Admitting that the sight of him laying out his vision for the company was pretty endearing, employees at Rainier Solutions reported Monday that it was kind of sweet that CEO Greg Warner thinks he is doing a good job.
End Of Section
  • More News

People In Commercial Having More Fun With Camera Than Humanly Possible

NEW YORK—According to sources, the people in a commercial for the Canon PowerShot S1100 IS digital camera have expressed a degree of pleasure that far exceeds the enjoyment that any known consumer electronic device could possibly provide. "Despite what we're seeing in this commercial, no existing camera is capable of producing the increased release of serotonin and dopamine that these people appear to be experiencing," said Dr. Otto Hauser, a brain and cognitive sciences professor at New York University. "Features such as red-eye reduction and night display would perhaps trigger a very brief elevation of mood, but…oh, come on! They just high-fived, for Christ's sake." At press time, Hauser said the level of fun that the camera is providing has outstripped what would be even remotely attainable with a Jet Ski–brand watercraft and a 12-pack of Samuel Adams premium ale.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close