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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Pepsi Super Bowl Commercial Got You Talking, Reports Area Dad

OLD TAPPAN, NJ—As friends and family members argued over the quality of a Pepsi Super Bowl ad that juxtaposed images of Bob Dylan and will.i.am in order to link the last several generations into one unified and Pepsi-inspired youth movement, area father Steven Acker suggested the ad was effective because it got everyone in the room talking about it. "That's what they want you to do," said Acker, nodding gently. "They don't care if you like it or not, as long as it gets in your head. Then they take their million dollars and laugh all the way to the bank." When asked about the Pepsi commercial featuring Saturday Night Live character MacGruber, Acker said he "didn't get that one."

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