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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Per Promoter's Request, Boxer Amends Promise Of First-Round Knockout

BERLIN—At the request of event sponsors as well as his promoter Don King, World Boxing Association heavyweight champion John Ruiz has backed off his earlier guarantee of a "lights-out, no-contest, 25-second drubbing" of challenger Nicolay Valuev in this weekend's title bout. "When I said that I would make short, uninteresting work of my opponent, I failed to take into account Valuev's 325-pound frame, his world-famous endurance, and the fact that fans are paying to see a good, clean, back-and-forth, multi-round fight during which many advertisements can be shown," Ruiz said. "I promise that, after many surprising second winds on both our parts and some shocking punches that I'll be on the giving and receiving end of, this will be a fulfilling, enjoyable battle, no matter who wins." Ruiz is expected to hold yet another press conference Friday to revise his new pledge that the "fight will continue for the duration of the 12 rounds, at which point the better man will win on points."

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