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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Per Promoter's Request, Boxer Amends Promise Of First-Round Knockout

BERLIN—At the request of event sponsors as well as his promoter Don King, World Boxing Association heavyweight champion John Ruiz has backed off his earlier guarantee of a "lights-out, no-contest, 25-second drubbing" of challenger Nicolay Valuev in this weekend's title bout. "When I said that I would make short, uninteresting work of my opponent, I failed to take into account Valuev's 325-pound frame, his world-famous endurance, and the fact that fans are paying to see a good, clean, back-and-forth, multi-round fight during which many advertisements can be shown," Ruiz said. "I promise that, after many surprising second winds on both our parts and some shocking punches that I'll be on the giving and receiving end of, this will be a fulfilling, enjoyable battle, no matter who wins." Ruiz is expected to hold yet another press conference Friday to revise his new pledge that the "fight will continue for the duration of the 12 rounds, at which point the better man will win on points."

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