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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Perfect Response To Heckler Somewhere In Prop Comedian's Trunk

CRENSHAW, OR—Requesting that the audience "give me a second," prop comedian "Gallopin'" Hal Coffey rummaged through his oversized steamer trunk for the perfect response to the heckler who was repeatedly disrupting his Monday-night performance at the Laff Cannery. "Giant pink 'porkscrew,' no. Inflatable toast, no. 'Sweetsocks'—oops," Coffey said during his frantic search, all the while encumbered by the sizable stuffed pony fastened about his midsection. "What the hell? Oh, yeah, my 'moosetard.' That won't work. Damn it." Onlookers later expressed confusion at Coffey's eventual choice of retort, in which he brandished two cans of Spam attached by a Slinky, and said to the heckler, "This is you."

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