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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Perfect Response To Heckler Somewhere In Prop Comedian's Trunk

CRENSHAW, OR—Requesting that the audience "give me a second," prop comedian "Gallopin'" Hal Coffey rummaged through his oversized steamer trunk for the perfect response to the heckler who was repeatedly disrupting his Monday-night performance at the Laff Cannery. "Giant pink 'porkscrew,' no. Inflatable toast, no. 'Sweetsocks'—oops," Coffey said during his frantic search, all the while encumbered by the sizable stuffed pony fastened about his midsection. "What the hell? Oh, yeah, my 'moosetard.' That won't work. Damn it." Onlookers later expressed confusion at Coffey's eventual choice of retort, in which he brandished two cans of Spam attached by a Slinky, and said to the heckler, "This is you."

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