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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.
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Perfect Response To Heckler Somewhere In Prop Comedian's Trunk

CRENSHAW, OR—Requesting that the audience "give me a second," prop comedian "Gallopin'" Hal Coffey rummaged through his oversized steamer trunk for the perfect response to the heckler who was repeatedly disrupting his Monday-night performance at the Laff Cannery. "Giant pink 'porkscrew,' no. Inflatable toast, no. 'Sweetsocks'—oops," Coffey said during his frantic search, all the while encumbered by the sizable stuffed pony fastened about his midsection. "What the hell? Oh, yeah, my 'moosetard.' That won't work. Damn it." Onlookers later expressed confusion at Coffey's eventual choice of retort, in which he brandished two cans of Spam attached by a Slinky, and said to the heckler, "This is you."

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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

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