Perfecting Your Revenge Plot

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Vol 47 Issue 44

How To Rise To The Challenge

Life doesn't always go the way you plan. Sometimes, an obstacle comes along—be it at work, in your home life, or elsewhere—that you need to overcome.

Walking Dead

AMC 9 p.m. EST/8 p.m. CST The gang begins to turn on one another amid suspicions one of them might secretly be a zombie.

November 8

The Greensboro Friend of Gays and Lesbians Group will be expanded to include an "s" on the end of "Friend," as the group now has more than one member.

Grey's Boobs

ABC 9 p.m. EST/8 p.m. CST In this new spin-off premiering tonight, they don't have time for her entire anatomy, so they're just concentrating on the good stuff.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Perfecting Your Revenge Plot

There are times when you have exercised all other options to resolve a difference, and vengeance is your sole remaining alternative. Here are some ways to ensure your revenge plot goes off without a hitch:

  • Remember, the most important factor in a revenge plot is the slow reveal, in which your target gradually realizes you were behind everything, even the part where their dry-cleaning got lost.
  • You don’t want some meddling do-gooder spilling the beans about the operation, so involve as few people as possible and consider changing your Facebook status from “Seeking revenge” to “Not seeking revenge.”
  • If anyone asks why you're carrying around chalk, a box of laxatives, and some rope, saying it's related to an eating disorder should shut them up right quick.
  • Pay a little more for a superior fog machine.
  • If your revenge plot involves deploying robots, make sure your enemy is not also a robot, or they may become friends.
  • Practice your plot several times on family members to be certain it will have all the desired ill effects.
  • Always double-check to make sure you're getting the right guy. The last thing you want is a repeat of last time, when that innocent guy's wife just cried and cried no matter how many times you said it was a mistake.
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