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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Peripheral Acquaintance Casually Mentions She Was Molested

HUNTINGTON BEACH, CA—Area resident Doug Spengler was taken aback Friday when acquaintance and fellow partygoer Dianne Liston casually mentioned to him that she was sexually molested as a child. "Most Saturday nights, I'd rather curl up with a good book than go on a date," Liston told Spengler, with whom she has spoken only twice before. "Maybe that's because my dad did some
really bad things to me when I was young that sort of ruined sex and dating for me. But whatever the reason, I just really enjoy spending quality time alone. So, what do you do for fun?" Spengler responded by telling Liston about his love of fishing, opting not to mention his brother's 1985 suicide.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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