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Person One Season Ahead In TV Show Doling Out Counsel Like Wise Elder

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Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.
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Person One Season Ahead In TV Show Doling Out Counsel Like Wise Elder

PAWTUCKET, RI—Adopting the sagely demeanor of an all-knowing oracle, local man Jacob Rivard, 29, who is a season ahead of friends in his viewing of the television series Breaking Bad, is reportedly conferring advice about the show as if it were the sacred wisdom of ages. “Oh, you’re not to that part yet?” the august and enlightened elder said Monday, casting his clairvoyant eye to the future and cryptically alluding to what wonders lie there. “Well, just wait for the season-four finale. You have no idea. Everything is about to change, and Walt’s character will—no, I’m not going to say any more. You have to see it for yourself.” Sources indicated the learned man then grew reticent, responding to every question with an enigmatic smile and the words “You’ll find out soon enough.”

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