Personal Trainer Has Desk

In This Section

Vol 49 Issue 36

Onion Sports’ NFL Week One Picks

OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL Week One games: Ravens at Broncos OSN’s Lock Of The Week: Broncos — The Broncos will win this game in a 49-27 rout o...

Nicole Walden

A memorial service will be held Friday for Nicole Walden, the world’s first “Nikki,” who passed away peacefully yesterday at 92.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Comfort

  • Entire Room Mentally Shaving Man's Facial Hair

    WHITE PLAINS, NY—Stunned and visibly offended by the sheer volume of facial hair visible before them, every single customer at local diner Hubbard's this morning was reportedly eyeing 28-year-old fellow patron David Kellerman and mentally shaving of...

Energy

Personal Trainer Has Desk

DALLAS—After seeing the inside of a small office room near the elliptical machines at Fitworks Gym, sources confirmed Monday that personal trainer Marc Robinson has a desk. “It’s a desk with a little pen holder and drawers for, I don’t know, his papers or something, I guess,” said gym member Maggie Rosado of the desk, which belongs to a man whose job consists primarily of walking around the interior of a fitness center and helping people lift weights. “There is a chair, too, for when he needs to sit down at his desk for extended periods of time and do, you know, work. Paperwork. Or whatever it is he needs a desk for.” At press time, sources were staring with quizzical expressions at a large file cabinet near the desk.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More