Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Personal Trainer Has Desk

DALLAS—After seeing the inside of a small office room near the elliptical machines at Fitworks Gym, sources confirmed Monday that personal trainer Marc Robinson has a desk. “It’s a desk with a little pen holder and drawers for, I don’t know, his papers or something, I guess,” said gym member Maggie Rosado of the desk, which belongs to a man whose job consists primarily of walking around the interior of a fitness center and helping people lift weights. “There is a chair, too, for when he needs to sit down at his desk for extended periods of time and do, you know, work. Paperwork. Or whatever it is he needs a desk for.” At press time, sources were staring with quizzical expressions at a large file cabinet near the desk.

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