Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Personal Trainer Has Desk

DALLAS—After seeing the inside of a small office room near the elliptical machines at Fitworks Gym, sources confirmed Monday that personal trainer Marc Robinson has a desk. “It’s a desk with a little pen holder and drawers for, I don’t know, his papers or something, I guess,” said gym member Maggie Rosado of the desk, which belongs to a man whose job consists primarily of walking around the interior of a fitness center and helping people lift weights. “There is a chair, too, for when he needs to sit down at his desk for extended periods of time and do, you know, work. Paperwork. Or whatever it is he needs a desk for.” At press time, sources were staring with quizzical expressions at a large file cabinet near the desk.


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