Pet Dog Almost Like Disgusting Family Member

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Vol 49 Issue 01

The View

ABC 11 a.m. EST/12 p.m. CST The ladies recount their first murders.

'Downton Abbey' Returns To U.S. TV

The third season of the popular British period drama Downton Abbey made its U.S. premiere last night on PBS, prompting many fans to throw early-1900s-themed viewing parties.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Pet Dog Almost Like Disgusting Family Member

JACKSON, MS—Sources within the Tibbett household told reporters Thursday that their pet dog, Digby, is so much a part of their lives that they treat him like a filthy, foul-smelling member of the family. “We include him in everything we do, so it’s like he’s a nasty, disgusting-mannered one of us,” said Brenda Tibbett, 38, adding that she thinks of the 8-year-old sheepdog as her “other, extremely repellent child.” “I guess over the years he’s become a urine-soaked addition to the Tibbett clan, and now he’s just like any other family member who chews on his genitals and anus when company’s over.” At press time, the family had reportedly decided to go out for ice cream, bringing along the Tibbett who would be just as happy to tear up the furniture or eat his own shit.

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