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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Pete Carroll

Coach, Seattle Seahawks

Strengths: Never throws in the towel, even if his team is up by 30 points; Extremely likable to anyone who can’t see through his bullshit

Weaknesses: Probably that he cares too much, or maybe that he works too hard; Hasn’t slept in 18 years; Loss to Vince Young in 2006 BCS National Championship Game looks more and more pathetic every day

Coaching Style: Not afraid to yell “woo” in faces of Seahawks; Attempts to make brutally violent game fun for everyone

Strategy: Going for it

Facial Expressions: Cocky fuck; incredulous prick

Fun Nickname: “Coach”

Recruiting Violations Since Joining Seahawks: Zero

Email: pcarroll1@usc.edu

NEXT: Russell Wilson

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