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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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Pete Carroll’s Friends, Family Admit They’d Love To See Him Get Blown Out In A Super Bowl

NEW YORK—Conceding that they could not imagine anything more satisfying, sources closest to Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll admitted to reporters Thursday that they would love to see him get blown out in a Super Bowl. “Honestly, yeah, it’d be great to watch him get trounced by like 20, maybe 24 points on Sunday,” said lifelong friend Paul Tuchrello, expressing a sentiment similar to that of the rest of Carroll’s friends and family members who confirmed that they are privately hoping the coach will be absolutely humiliated in the biggest game of his nearly 40-year career. “If the Broncos wrap this thing up in the third quarter and we get to watch Pete despondently roam the sideline for another 35 or 40 minutes, I’d be thrilled. I mean, if the Seahawks got shut out that’d be incredible, but I’d settle for pretty much any scenario where he helplessly watches as his team gets dismantled in front of a hundred million people.” Those in Carroll’s inner circle added that watching the Seahawks come up one yard short as time expired would also be enjoyable.

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