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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?
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Pete Carroll’s Friends, Family Admit They’d Love To See Him Get Blown Out In A Super Bowl

NEW YORK—Conceding that they could not imagine anything more satisfying, sources closest to Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll admitted to reporters Thursday that they would love to see him get blown out in a Super Bowl. “Honestly, yeah, it’d be great to watch him get trounced by like 20, maybe 24 points on Sunday,” said lifelong friend Paul Tuchrello, expressing a sentiment similar to that of the rest of Carroll’s friends and family members who confirmed that they are privately hoping the coach will be absolutely humiliated in the biggest game of his nearly 40-year career. “If the Broncos wrap this thing up in the third quarter and we get to watch Pete despondently roam the sideline for another 35 or 40 minutes, I’d be thrilled. I mean, if the Seahawks got shut out that’d be incredible, but I’d settle for pretty much any scenario where he helplessly watches as his team gets dismantled in front of a hundred million people.” Those in Carroll’s inner circle added that watching the Seahawks come up one yard short as time expired would also be enjoyable.

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