Pete Rose Caught Trying To Get Inducted Into Hall Of Fame Under Assumed Name

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Vol 42 Issue 02

Bowl Week Highlights

The 2005-2006 NCAA football season culminated with a week of unusually memorable college bowl games. What are the most notable moments?

New York Jets Finish Season

RUTHERFORD, NJ—Despite the doubts of many football fans, media figures, and people within the Jets organization itself, the New York Jets have indeed finished their entire 2005-2006 season.
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Pete Rose Caught Trying To Get Inducted Into Hall Of Fame Under Assumed Name

COOPERSTOWN, NY—The Baseball Writers Association of America announced that the "former Cincinnati Reds superstar" and "quiet, unassuming model citizen" by the name of "Pat Rosenburg," whose career statistics merited Hall of Fame consideration, was revealed by investigators to be a desperate, mustachioed, glasses-wearing Pete Rose. "When I looked at Pat Rosenburg’s stats—17-time All-Star, three batting titles, tied with Pete Rose for the career hits lead—I had to wonder why this so-called ‘Chuckie Hustle’ wasn’t already in the Hall," said Jayson Stark, who, along with other members of the BBWAA, was informed Wednesday of Pete Rose’s role in the Pat Rosenburg candidacy. "Luckily for the integrity of the game, [Rosenburg] wasn’t elected by voters anyway because he only had 160 career home runs." Rose is expected to fervently deny the allegations that Pat Rosenburg was just him in disguise, as his upcoming tell-all autobiography, My Secret Life As Pat Rosenburg, does not hit stores until late July.
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