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How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

Star Trek, the science-fiction show about the crew of the starship Enterprise, premiered 50 years ago today on NBC, spawning a cult following and decades of spin-offs. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s 50-year history

How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history
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Entertainment

Peter Jackson Opens Up About His Personal Hobbit Friends In Beginnings Of Genius Marketing Campaign Or Full-On Mental Breakdown

LOS ANGELES—Either deploying a brilliant strategy to spur excitement for his forthcoming adaptation of The Hobbit or completely losing his grip on reality, filmmaker Peter Jackson told reporters Sunday about the many hobbits with whom he enjoys personal friendships.

"It was such a delight to return to the Shire and work with all my marvelous hobbit friends again," said Jackson, who may have been introducing a daring new kind of marketing campaign or may have experienced a major psychotic break. "These are the guys I spent years with when we were making The Lord Of The Rings, so we're almost like family at this point."

"Bilbo, of course, is as hale as ever, and seeing Frodo for a couple days was a rare treat," an enthusiastic Jackson either playfully or chillingly told members of the Hollywood press. "They're my little best friends."

When asked to clarify how his two-part Hobbit series would differ from the original book, the Academy Award winner immediately answered that it would have "many, many more hobbits." Jackson, whether going totally off the deep end or making a bold attempt to generate press for his films, went on to speak of his affection and deep respect for Blandroot Took, Summerstorm Bolger, Hardtoe Gamwich, and numerous other members of the completely fictional race first imagined in the 1930s by author J.R.R. Tolkien.

A question about what it was like to work with actor Sir Ian Holm again was met with scowling silence until a reporter reworded the question, referring to Holm as "Bilbo."

"I have a few [hobbits] at my house right now," said Jackson, continuing his brilliant publicity coup or alarming disconnect from reality. "There's dear old Primrose Brandybuck, the finest potter north of Sackville, and Clotho Proudfoot, the baker, who is simply a wonderful chef. The aromas from his superlative dishes fill my house day and night."

"Did I show you the birthday card I got from Bilbo this year?" added Jackson, holding up a pile of leaves. "He always remembers to send one. He's a very special hobbit."

In a statement that could have been orchestrated by New Line Cinema or could be symptomatic of severe clinical paranoia, Jackson lamented that the entire thriving community of hobbits would cease to exist by the end of the Fourth Age, when they would be "overrun by the brutish Big People with their filthy, noisy machines."

Sunday's interview comes a week after a New Zealand talk show appearance in which the acclaimed director insisted upon being called "Jackson the Green," held aloft a yardstick with a tin can on one end, and defied any critic who questioned his interpretation of Tolkien's works to "take up a staff of power and meet [him] in Isengard" to duel atop the tower of Orthanc.

Reached for comment, friends and longtime collaborators applauded Jackson's commitment to his craft.

"The thing about Peter is that he really, really loves these books and has dedicated himself to taking what's on the page and bringing it to life, so to speak," said Elijah Wood, who briefly reprises his role as Frodo in the Hobbit films and neglected to confirm whether Jackson had developed a brilliant new marketing tactic or a profound mental illness. "It's a big part of who he is. A very big part."

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, starring Martin Freeman and Ian McKellen, opens Dec. 14; symptoms of schizoaffective disorder listed in the Diagnostic And Statistical Manual Of Mental Disorders include delusions, hallucinations, and manic episodes.

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