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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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Peter King Works Terrible Stay At Courtyard Marriott Into Every Component Of Super Bowl Preview

NEW YORK—Sports Illustrated’s Peter King published his lengthy preview of Super Bowl XLVII Sunday, drawing particular attention from readers in large part due to nearly 50 mentions of a terrible stay at a Courtyard Marriott littered throughout the piece. “Taking advantage of the extra week’s rest will be crucial for injured 49ers end Justin Smith—nearly as crucial as it was for me the night before covering two conference championship games in one day, but Lord knows I couldn’t string together more than two consecutive hours of sleep with those paper-thin dividers the Courtyard tries to pass off as walls,” King wrote in the championship preview he broke into six parts: offense, defense, special teams, good luck getting any goddamn hot water, coaching, and intangibles. “There are still a number of questions that need to be answered by 49ers offense and the manager of that sad excuse for a hotel, namely, can they move the ball through the air if the running game is contained and how exactly can you get away with calling something a breakfast when the waffle maker is broken and you’re all out of eggs?” After explaining in detail that giving attitude is a surefire way for bellhops to never earn a tip, King concluded the preview by predicting that the Ravens will win a tight, low scoring matchup and he won’t be setting foot in any Marriott-operated hotel unless “some major Rewards points get sent my way soon.”

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