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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Peyton Manning Apologizes For Cheating One Time When He Was 5

TERRE HAUTE, IN—Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning was barely able to compose himself as he apologized to his family, friends, coaches, team, and fans Tuesday, tearfully admitting that he had in fact cheated during a 1981 game of hide and seek by deliberately hiding inside his house even though it had been declared off-limits. "Although I was young, I still knew right from wrong, and youth is no excuse for my actions," the two-time NFL MVP told reporters during a 90-minute press conference. "This was no way for the best player to ever play football, let alone quarterback, to act. I'm willing to accept any punishment the NFL wishes to hand down, whether they choose to suspend me for the first a quarter of a game or even for an entire first half." Despite leaving a total of 54 messages on Roger Goodell's voicemail, Manning said the NFL commissioner had yet to inform him of any punishment.

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