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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Peyton Manning Finds Weird Game Film Where Two Detectives Try To Solve A Murder

INDIANAPOLIS—While sorting through his stacks of unwatched videotapes Friday, Colts quarterback Peyton Manning reportedly stumbled across a strange sort of game film in which two detectives, who are apparently not involved in the playing or discussion of football, attempt to solve a murder. "I have no idea why someone would make a tape of this, since it isn't about football in any way whatsoever," said Manning, adding that there wasn't a single defensive formation to analyze in the 120-minute-long tape. "I'm told that people do this with films, and that you can even see this sort of thing on TV sometimes, but I really don't understand how two guys trying to catch the person who killed the heiress is supposed to help someone read tendencies in the Titans' secondary." Manning admitted he had not been this confused by a game film since his wife, Ashley, made him break down tapes of a football player and a woman in a cheerleader outfit engaging in an extended and vigorous, though evidently pointless, tackling drill.

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