adBlockCheck

Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
End Of Section
  • More News

Peyton Manning Fondly Recalls When Not Winning Super Bowl Was Most Damaging Part Of Legacy

DENVER—Amid recent accusations of HGH use and resurfacing sexual assault allegations from his time in college, Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning fondly recalled when the most damaging aspect of his legacy was that he had not won a Super Bowl, sources confirmed Monday. “You know, I really miss when the biggest hit to my personal and professional reputation was failing to deliver a championship with the Colts,” said Manning, adding that he now longs for past ridicule that focused exclusively on below-par performances in the playoffs against lower-seeded AFC teams. “Those really were the days, when comparisons to Dan Marino and Charles Barkley were my biggest source of embarrassment, and when the absolute worst things anyone could say about me were that I choke in big games and can’t handle playing in cold weather. Man, what I would give to just go back to that.” Manning added that he took for granted all the years when simply winning a football game was enough to prove that people were wrong about him.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close