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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Peyton Manning Fondly Recalls When Not Winning Super Bowl Was Most Damaging Part Of Legacy

DENVER—Amid recent accusations of HGH use and resurfacing sexual assault allegations from his time in college, Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning fondly recalled when the most damaging aspect of his legacy was that he had not won a Super Bowl, sources confirmed Monday. “You know, I really miss when the biggest hit to my personal and professional reputation was failing to deliver a championship with the Colts,” said Manning, adding that he now longs for past ridicule that focused exclusively on below-par performances in the playoffs against lower-seeded AFC teams. “Those really were the days, when comparisons to Dan Marino and Charles Barkley were my biggest source of embarrassment, and when the absolute worst things anyone could say about me were that I choke in big games and can’t handle playing in cold weather. Man, what I would give to just go back to that.” Manning added that he took for granted all the years when simply winning a football game was enough to prove that people were wrong about him.

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