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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Peyton Manning: 'I Won This Game As A Team'

INDIANAPOLIS—Responding to critics who claim that recent games demonstrate that Indianapolis is a one-dimensional pass-first team with a porous run defense, quarterback Peyton Manning leapt to his team's defense Monday by saying that he, Peyton Manning, won or lost Colts football games as a team. "Everything I do out there, every play, every first down, every touchdown pass, I do as a team," said Manning, who added he resented the implication that he was weak in the short-yardage running game and could not pick up the blitz. "Need I remind you that I've converted 68 percent of my second-half third-down chances this year, that I have the lowest team average in dropped passes, and that I'm still undefeated? I think I'm doing pretty good for the so-called 'worst Colts team in years,' don't you?" When asked about placekicker Adam Vinatieri's last-minute game-wnning field goal against Denver last Sunday, a confused Manning said he "wished Vinatieri continued good luck with the Patriots."

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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