Peyton Manning In Talks With Dolphins About Whether Miami Would Be A Good Place To Retire

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Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.

Peyton Manning In Talks With Dolphins About Whether Miami Would Be A Good Place To Retire

MIAMI—Immediately following his eight-hour meeting Wednesday with the owners and coaches of the Tennessee Titans, star free-agent quarterback Peyton Manning initiated talks with the Dolphins over whether their host city would make a good retirement spot, sources close to the team said. "Peyton called this morning, and I stressed how great Miami would be for him. We've cut some major distractions from our roster, re-signed top defensive personnel—and I'm willing to design the offense so it’s keyed on him," said newly hired coach Joe Philbin, who spent most of the 45-minute call answering Manning's questions about local deep-sea fishing, South Beach nightlife, and the possibility of building a second house in the Keys. "I was particularly excited to learn that, if he comes to Miami, either right away or in four or five years, he plans on settling down here for good." Manning is also scheduled to contact the Denver Broncos this week to discuss the possible long-term outlook of skiing conditions.

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