adBlockCheck

Sports

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
End Of Section
  • More News

Peyton Manning Takes Advantage Of Indianapolis Trip To Visit Wife, Children

INDIANAPOLIS—Taking advantage of his team’s recent road game against the Indianapolis Colts over the weekend, Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning reportedly used the opportunity to visit with his wife and children, sources confirmed today. “I hadn’t seen Ashley and the kids since I signed with Denver in the spring of 2012, so I figured I would stop by the old place and check in,” said the 12-time Pro Bowler and former Colts play caller, adding that he managed to fit in a 15-minute stopover with his family at their Indianapolis-area home before heading to Lucas Oil Stadium on Sunday. “It seems like they’re all doing pretty well, which is good. Marshall and Mosley really grew a lot. I guess they’re getting older.” Though Manning expressed regret at having to leave his family and return to Denver, the four-time MVP told reporters that he hopes to get the chance to visit them again should the Broncos come back to town for the AFC Championship game.

More from this section

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close