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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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Peyton Manning Tirelessly Studying Footage Of Athletes Denying Allegations

DENVER—Praising the 39-year-old’s exhaustive preparations amid accusations involving performance-enhancing drug use and sexual assault, sources close to Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning confirmed Wednesday that he has been tirelessly studying video footage of other athletes denying allegations. “He’ll sit in his film room 10, sometimes 12 hours a day just studying various defenses, and he’s been absolutely meticulous about writing down exactly how many seconds someone pauses before becoming teary-eyed and saying how hard the whole process has been on them and their family,” said Manning’s personal assistant, Ryan Robinson, noting that the quarterback had been thoroughly studying the likes of Kobe Bryant, Barry Bonds, Ben Roethlisberger, and Lance Armstrong, often rewatching their interviews multiple times until he has memorized the techniques they used to profess their innocence. “You can ask him where Roger Clemens’ eyes were each time he says ‘It never happened’ on the 60 Minutes interview about the Mitchell Report, and Peyton can tell you. I swear, he’s got an encyclopedic knowledge of this stuff going back to the 1985 MLB cocaine trials. He’s just so focused and determined to beat the case.” Robinson added that Manning has also been meeting three hours a day with a public-speaking coach to work on the fundamentals of nonverbally conveying disbelief.

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