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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Peyton Manning’s 14-Foot-Tall Wife Crushes Skull Of Sports Journalist Asking About HGH

DENVER—Tearing her blouse seams as she angrily flexed her massive, rippling biceps, Ashley Manning, the 14-foot-tall wife of Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning, crushed the skull of a journalist inquiring about allegations that she received shipments of human growth hormone on behalf of her husband, sources confirmed Friday. “Arrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhh!” the enormous, muscle-bound 390-pound woman bellowed upon being asked about her connection to the Indianapolis-based Guyer Institute medical center, before she then grabbed the reporter’s head with one hand, squeezed it until his skull caved in, and violently slammed his limp body into the ground. “No comment!” Sources confirmed that Peyton Manning was unavailable for questions after his wife tucked him under her arm and carried him away.

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