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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Peyton Manning's Wife Tired Of His Constant 'Audibles' At The 'Line Of Scrimmage'

INDIANAPOLIS—According to sources close to Ashley Manning, wife of Colts quarterback Peyton Manning, the All-Pro's constant audibles on the playing field are mirrored in his intimately personal life, a fact that Mrs. Manning sometimes finds exasperating. "I mean, sometimes when we, you know, 'take the field,' and the 'formation' is all 'lined up,' and Peyton gets all set 'under center,' he will start barking out new signals," Mrs. Manning said. "Suddenly, it's 'Flip Right Hawk 62! Deuce Right, Waggle 15H Throwback C-Posts! Dice Right 218 Bastard! Yes! Yes! Yes!' And I'm like, Peyton, we're at 'third and inches' here, honey. Please, just 'snap the ball.'" Mrs. Manning did note, however, that her husband was a remarkably talented "field general" with a "rifle arm" who "led the league" in "finding the end zone" last season.

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